How to talk about BDSM
How to talk about BDSM with your partner
Talking about your kinky fantasies can be a big deal. What’s making it even more uncomfortable is the fact that your partner has never tried such things before. Kinky experience gives you a chance to know a lot of new feelings. At the same time, it can be a little scary at the beginning. Let’s try to find out how we can discuss BDSM related things with the partner.
Get informed before the conversation
You don’t have to become a PhD in the world of kink, but you need to find information about the kink you like. For example, if you like being tied, search the info about it. Find the safe ways to perform the play, google tips and advice. Try to find educational resources, where the kink topics are discussed without judgement. If you are well-prepared, it will be easier to explain what you want.
Show understanding and empathy
You and your partner may have a variety of feelings during the conversation. Be ready for it. Both of you can become terrified, hurt, enthusiastic, excited or have a crazy mix of these feelings.
Don’t forget to point out that your suggestion is aimed to bring more pleasure and new experience into your bedroom. It’s never about physical or emotional harm. It is totally safe and consensual.
Discuss boundaries and desires
One more important step is the discussion of what exactly you like and what you do not accept. The dialogue works in both ways. Your feelings are important and respected, as well as the feelings of your partner.
BDSM is amazing only if everyone enjoys it. It has nothing to do with an abusive dominant doing dangerous and unpleasant things with a submissive partner. It’s about mutual pleasure of two people. If you do not want to be slapped in the face, let your partner know about it. Otherwise, the play will not work.
Choose a safe word. And never feel ashamed (or shame others) for using it.
Move slowly
BDSM is a very emotional practice, that’s why it is better to start with small steps. If you want to try all at once, it may cause a panic attack. Try something easy and exciting. In the very beginning spanking can be performed with your palms; tying – with the belt; blindfolding – with the scarf. Buying expensive handcuffs just to find out you are not into it is not a necessary part of your BDSM journey.
Share your feelings after the play
Take some time to relax together and then discuss what you liked and how you feel about the play. Find out what was good for you and what went not as you planned. If you would not like to repeat any kind of play, be open and talk about it. Never practice anything just to please your partner. Also, if you want to perform the play in a different way, it is absolutely OK. Sex is always about pleasure, don’t be afraid to talk about it.
